Physician heal thy self.

Was having drinks with some friends last night in a snazzy wine bar in my hood I have been hearing about for ages but finally got my lazy ass over see for myself to visit. Review : loved the setting and staff, unexcited about my ten dollar glass of Spanish wine.

So after the catch ups about work and life the discussion goes to the almost inevitable place of dating between men and women. The women were taking the stance that while guys may say they want women who are smart ,funny and even the aggressors, that is not who they end up with. Those are the qualities that they choose for friends, not long term lovers. The men were kind of blown away with this news. Not true they cryed, they love it when a woman asks them out, makes them laugh, has something going on behind the eyes. The females were not buying it. After a while we were just spinning in circles.

What I think what was happening is the results of unhealed hurt feelings. When you take a risk and not only you feel you didn't get a reward for it, but you are punished, it can seem like evidence that risk was a pretty stupid idea. So for example, I can tell the tale of being very attracted to the Young Photographer. He was snazzy, quick wit,sensitive outlook , had a large collection of female friends - which I always take as a good sign. He was groovy.We were smiling at each other for a while . But when I took the flirting to a more direct - No I'm serious,I feel for you,Chaka Khan- kind of way he got real ugly. He said he had been attracted to me but my being forward in my attraction was a killer to his libeto. In fact when ever I see him now ,he will made snide little comments about my sexuality. Nice huh?

Now I could process this and say this boy has some weird issues about female strength and role playing. That he ended up wed to a very sweet ,pretty Asian woman who never raises her voice, even to hale a cab. That sex with such a guy would probably be pretty lame. And I do have all those thoughts. But when I meet a man now who I like there is this thought of if I ask for his number or make the first move, will this make his penis get miniaturised?Some one I liked and cared about hurt my feelings deeply and now there is this tiny but constant voice of doubt.

A big part of my work is with people discussing their relationship lives. There is often this feeling if I am doing this professionally, shouldn't all of my issues be resolved? But I look back on the first woman I studied with about this stuff and while I got enormous insite and skills from her, there was always this weird arrogant lie in the room. She would say that we as clients should follow the rules that she lived by and we would all have have glorious sex lives and perfected partnerships. Ends up a couple of years ago she divorced her husband in as angry a way as I could imagine, and dates unavailable men who won't marry her. Oh ,and she's bipolar.

My hope is my clients like the fact that I am honest, that I am as confused and clueless sometimes as they are. That I am still trying to figure this out. And I do this while still often being the smartest, funniest , most aggressive girl in the joint.