The Gods have spoken

Last night I wrote a very long detailed post about the events of the last 36 hours. However blogger was having some sort of tech issue and could neither print or save what I had so brilliantly written. Alas , it is gone to the great place of lost cyber scribe.

Strangely I am not bombed by this. I am still feeling my way through this whole blog thing. What is ethical to talk about. What might come back to haunt me. While I have chosen not to post my name and picture, it still could be figured out with out too much trouble who I am and following , who I am talking about. In particular, my family.

What the lost post was about was almost entirely about the folks. Nothing I said was dishonest, or even an exaggeration. But they might have found it to be a betrayal of sorts. They are all so internal. To have others be aware of what is going on for them in their deeper selves is so totally out of character. It was the cause of my feeling very lonely as a kid, no one was talking about what was going on. I thought I was the only one experiencing the events around me.

When I hit my teens I went through a period of being an intense gossip. I am not proud of this but I do have sympathy for this era of my life. Because now I finally had friends and they were talking about their adventures. It was blissful.You would talk about the events leading up to,then catch up while it was going on, then recap after it was over. And then recap with 7 other people who had nothing to do with it. It wasn't until a few years into this I discovered a had developed a reputation as an unreliable companion that others did not expose them selves to. I sometimes wish I had a memo I could send out to everyone who knew me at this time. Sort of a ,please excuse Susan for her activies in the mid 80s. She was going through adolescences.

Now I have come full circle. I work with people and they intimate thoughts all day.But I would never reveal anything that is said to me ,even under threat of eye gouging. I have had a couple of people socially tell me in the last couple of years I am hard to get to know. That I am guarded. Maybe to some extent that is true. But I also feel like I am such a total marshmallow. It takes so very little to get me to a raw space. I just don't choose to go there with someone I just met on the bus or on a bar stool. call me aloof.