Let's Play Pretend

This week a class I have been taking on marketing came to an end. I am of two minds on this.One one hand it was great for me to have done this. I know next to nothing about starting a small business/private practice other than it involves a fair amount of begging wrapped in the package of kiss up. I did get allot done in the months I have been taken this on and I am grateful for that.

However on the other hand: Whoopeeeee! Bring on the dancing boys ! I know longer have to spend my Tuesday nights feeling like a loser negative dork, whining about the fact that I don't want to write one of those 10 steps to making your life better articles to get new clients. They are icky .Even if it is the latest trend, I do not want my website to have audible testimonials of my clients that others can hear.It's whorish and cheesy.Pukey eww.

But on the last class the teacher did talk about the whole concept of money and what she referred to as ones temperature gage about it. That we all have this thing in side of us that says, this is how much money I am allowed to make. Most of us don't go above a certain level because we have beliefs systems about what that would mean. For me, I have always been good at earning money for other people but not for myself. I think there is this click in me that says, if I had all the money I needed, no longer in any kind of cash crisis, no one would ever take care of me in any way ever again. So I stay in this adolescent,starving artist mode ,so I don't have to be this completely hard ass New York woman, fuck you I can pay for my own pedicure, mode.

So what the teacher suggested was doing a sort of visualization about the thermometer. On it is how much you make right now, then add to it what you would like to earn. For me it's adding another 30,000 to the temperature. It's reasonable. It's not asking the world. But it would make a huge difference in my lifestyle. Writing this freaks me out. This issue makes me super uncomfortable. But this is part of why we are doing this blog thing, right? A form of outing one self.

I need to go run away now.