Update

I had not realised how long it has been since I wrote here .Almost a week for goodness sake.Was up doing the holiday/parent upkeep thing. Being up in the country in their home always seems to produce a sort of Narnia like quality for me.Meaning that I step through the door and my reality is briefly left behind to be fully in their world, full well knowing that my life will be ready for me as soon as I step out the door again. It requires a certain level of faith and letting go of control.

Nothing dramatic to report from the visit. I thought I would do a little gratitude list from the trip,sort of an overview .

I am grateful that.......The pies I cooked turned out well and helped kill so bad politics happening in the land of co-housing.

That the weather was still nice enough for for proper walks and observations about holiday fishermen and ducks.

The dog choose to sleep with me every night I was there.

That dad has discovered YouTube.That for how ever awful he know feels , he has discovered new music he loves, including a strange infatuation with Jerry Lee Lewis.

That Mom and I are so friggin healthy, at least emotionally together. That we can look back on the ugly teen years and not have them overwhelm us with a case of the yucks any more. That she didn't marry an actor.

The watching of the parade and a Charlie Brown Thanksgiving still gives high levels of joy.

The purchase of a potential very cool gift for my younger niece, an interlocking block puzzle of paintings of classic beautiful red headed women.She may not get it now, but hopefully she will see images of her self someday.

That I have been able to put aside my angry and resentment of my brother for 8 minutes or so to send him 2 birthday presents, a Lucinda Williams live album and a book of unfinished Tolkien story's, that are too cool for school and given with love. I can pick up my nasty feelings at the door later.


That Mom wrapped up containers of turkey and rocking spiced mashed potatoes so I could eat them when I came home. No cooking or take out for Suz last night.

That I came home to find my home clean ,safe , warm and friendly. That I had made the smart move of tidying up before I left so I would have such an environment. That my so to be 16 year old cats were pleased to see me, desiring my affection and attention, but not anxious or neurotic.

That I got my ass out of the house last night, ran to the store so that I would have strong coffee, milk and cereal this morning.

That I woke up to the sound of rain on the air conditioner, feeling safe and content. How amazingly happy I am at about my life this morning.


And flannel pajamas.May we never forget the wonders of warm jammies.

Practicing what I preach

In the name of how much I kick the asses of my clients romantic lives,how much I force them to put themselves out there, I am today getting new pictures taken for a new personal ad. I am trying to be positive about this, considering that my latest photo id makes me look like a double chinned bad ass. I believe I may need to drink several glasses of sherry to make this event mildly painless.

Name dropping for a purpose

I would like to preface this post by saying I am having a super duper allergy day. I get these sometimes when the weather goes back and forth rapidly. My right eye is making suggestions about leaving my face.There were little pointy things biting into my far head this morning.You could not see them but I swear they were there. The tum-tum is pissed off too.This is to give you a little warning about what kind of content of self pity we may be heading into this afternoon.

Last night I was fighting with staying in or out. Pro-out, a bar I sometimes visit was doing gender bender kariochi night. My border and his 20 year old girlfriend were being over the top with their cuteness. Pro-staying in, it was 28 degrees out side in the middle of November, I had just made a lemon pie, and there was going to be a special on Astaire Cooke on PBS. Pastry and English men won.

Mister Cooke was my dad's friend while I was growing up. They worked together on some projects and deiced they sort of adored each other. They were working class boys who got ahead in the very elitist of worlds by being the cleverest of gents you could meet. If I picked up the phone and heard that voice I would be so grateful because I knew my dad would be laughing and energetic for at least a solid half hour. What did they talk about? Jazz, golf, Lauren Bacall? A little of all of that probally. I think mostly they just had fun picking each others brains.

Which brings us to dating and expectations and feeling a little sad. The last bunch of times I have been out and about being social in groups of men I have come away with a very clear idea of why I am single. Dreariness. Let's put aside those who are mentally ill, socially nonfunctional, the addicts, the non-bath takers. Frankly, that all ready takes up a large portion of wading pool. I look to men with an unreasonable desire to be intellectually dazzled. its not just can you make me laugh, but can you make me think ? can you hold my attention with how you express yourself? Can you help open me up to some way of looking at the world that I have never seen before? What nice average computer tech can live up to that ?

I blame this on the fact that I used to fetch Cokes for a man who was played by Cookie Monster on Monsterpiece Theater. That I heard him talk about how the expectations of being an good American could not only be seen as an a responsibly but an art form, a craft. That I heard the same man tell story's about how Charlie Chaplin was going to be the best man at his wedding, but stood him up for a hot weekend in bed with Paulette Goddard. Could one blame Chaplin? Can i blame me for still hoping?

A Mike Myers Veclept moment

Just got back from my Quaker meetings celebration of the 21 year its been overseeing gay marriage. Don't know what to say. Its not a verbal thing. Couples who truly love each other,overcoming culture, family's, and other fears and hatreds, calmly talking about their commitments. And then recalling their vows and weddings.

OK I'm a mess again. Talk amongst yourselves.

hermit-anom

So I have had this roomer for about a week or more and so far its going fine. There is this build in relief about the fact that there is a built in deadline. He will be gone before Christmas. Then I can walk around half naked while talking to myself again. And that will be the true Christmas miracle.

I once took a personality test where the results kind of pleased and disturbed me. First off it said that I had one of the rarest types. I don't know if they say that to everyone, like a personality testing," I never felt like this before ." ,sort of thing. But it seems I had this weird ass leader /teacher mindset where I can put my attention on the well being of others for long periods of time and then need a certain amount of isolation to regroup.

This sounded right on the money and then I saw the list of some of the famous people who shared this out look. Ralph Nader, Oprah, a few other biggies who have in fact impacted the world in huge ways and arguably made some peoples lives better. But not one of them was married or had kids. In fact you got the sense that all of them would be a royal pain to live with, that when they came home from saving the planet they would be kind of freaky about the towels or the magazine racks.

So what I am noticing this time around is that everyone Else's clutter is more annoying and unreasonable than yours. Where they put their coffee mug is stupid. Yours in logical. Them getting the bathmat soaked- moron behaviour, you getting the bathmat soaked- simple mistake that could happen to anyone. I think this living with others from time to time is life saving.

Why do you people never listen to me??!!??

I am dyslexic. I think my spelling here proves that. I have spent my whole friggin life having to explain this in one way or other to people and they don't get it. They think I'm lazy. Or that I'm not trying hard enough. Or how can this be so hard for me,I'm so smart. So let's lay it out show we. :

It's like I have a wired crossed in my brain that sometime gets in the way of communicating imformation , usually in a a + b= c way. So a list of things that are a struggle for me.

Direction. I have next to no sense of right/left. Don't even get me on the east/west/north/south business. This is the reason I don't drive. I do not wish to kill some one or get lost forever on some number labeled highway.

Spelling. Hooked on phonics is a theory.

Anything involving having to throw, catch, kick objects at a certain time.

Those stupid bastard memory games.

Technical directions. Bastard instruction manuals. I tryed to take a computer class, within 12 minutes I was completely lost and weeping.

Having to clean the house, take care of papers and any other day to day activities done in a linear way. I need to do in Mary Poppins approach. make a game out of or I go nuts.

Folding, cutting or drawing in the lines.

I am very gifted at human feeling, artsy farsty stuff. I want to make enough money and rule the planet so others will do my bidding . And do all the above listed bullshit or be shot for making me feel like a jerk.

Wow doesn't take much to bring out the inner 8 year old,huh?

There goes the neighborhood

About a month ago I noticed that 2 stores on my corner, a crappy computer games/discount jewelry store and a 99 cent joint had both closed their doors. Then it became clear that the new owners were combining the two spaces. I have been musing for weeks what might be going in there. I assumed it was another bank. I only hoped it would be one of my branch, as the closest one is a 11 block hike.

Discovered yesterday it looks like a grocery store is going in. Happy bunny dance was my first thought. To maybe be able to by produce and meat that doesn't look like a questionable health risk within walking distance of my home! Who had thunk it! Delighted I was at what the potential of a shopping experience that could offer more than discount Dominican lemon soda.

But then liberal angel on my left shoulder smacked me in the head. There is a family grocery literally right across the street from me. They are kind, they are patient.They have just done work on their store,clearly invested money. They are doomed. In a million years they could not compete with a D'agistinos. They don't a great selection but they have one. Manys the night they have saved my ass with a can of cat food or carton of milk. What is going to happen to them?

Then I saw something I thought I would never see in the Heights or Inwood. The big inflatable Union rat. In front of the new stores construction. There were the strikers. I love these guys. I think Unions are the only thing that keeps this country soul working at times. I am reactionary. I assume they are right. I also assume that most of the work that is done in this neighborhood has some serious illegal workers running in. Having a green card or a Visa is sort of like having a cashmere sweater, nice but unlikely. And if you do have one, it was probably a gift from a relative. To be expecting a organised working force up here is to expect a completely different reality than we have come across. This is the neighborhood of immigrants from the very beginning. Where are they all going to go now?

HELP!!!

I had this really great topic to write about and I have completely forgotten it.This is because I have spent the last hour rebooting, cleaning and begging my computer to function. My computer dude from this summer is not returning my begging calls .I hope he, his wife ,kids and dog all have the stomach flu.If anyone knows the number of a computer person who makes house calls to Washington Heights,please pass along. This is costing too much of my life!

Things to be happy about

A roomer who when he sings in the shower, actually knows how to sing.

How good a person is it nessary to be?

A few days ago a she named A called me sounding very stressed asking for help. Someone with mututaly know in a social circle just called her threatening suicide then hung up. She wanted to know what was moraly obligated to do.

The person who claimed they were going to jump from the George Washington bridge, 1. is about twice her age, 2. has been given numerous phone numbers of low cost doctors and therapists from a varity of people all ready and refuses to work with any of them, 4. has been diagnost with a mental condition and refuses to get medicated for it, and 5. threatened to off themself this summer when it was clear all they wanted was attention.And finally, and possibly most importantly, 6. is someone that this circle doesn't consider to be a real friend, just a rather sad unhappy soul that they have taken on out of pity and sympathy rather than deep care. Sort of like an needy ugly but friendly dog begging for scraps in your neighborhood but you don't want to take home.

I offered some advice but the strongest one I gave was about creating boundries. That in what I have seen of this person, they will take and take till they push the other person away from drainage. That this group is not able to save him, he needs to do it himself. She said I was the only person she talked to do that brought that up. I am wondering if I am harsh or cruel. Last night I was in an bar and totaly randomly ended up sitting next to the would be jumper( of course he didn't intend to do it.....) and I was probally pretty rude. I talked to him as minimaly as I possible could. I refused to ingage in anything that would bring me into his reality. My iroon curtain was up.

In Quakerism they use the discription to see the Light within others. To me this is about trying consititantly to acknoweldge teh humanity in others, even when its hard or umpopular.So we have this impressive human rights history, unground railroad,suffergetes, my meeting was the first organised religious community that held a gay wedding in the state on NY.But when that is your values, you also bring in the crazys. So in worship today, one unstable person after another gave messages. All with that self involved, my suffering should realy interest you ,untreated bi-polar way. Its bad when your weekly time talking to God invloves you wanting others to shut the hell up.But I watch others who seem to be almost saintly with these people, patient,and kind, and willing to engage.I feel like a bitch on a stick.


Twice a week I work a job were I regurally talk to mentaly ill people looking for legal help, with things that may or may not have to do with their condition. It's gotten so half the time I can just listen to their recordings on Voicemail and can tell how off they are. I help them as much as I can but I cut their storys short.I get the miminal imformation I need to get them to the next place, then move them out the door. I wonder if there are others in my life who would be more tender.

So I am thinking today about how much is enough. I get pissed at Republican apathy, they should pull them selves up by their boot straps , crap. But I was so pissed when my conversationw with a freind on the subway today was interupted by crazy jesus woman looking for cash and followers of her cause. If I was a good Christian would I have given her 5 bucks, talked to her, given her an 800 number of a group that might get her lythium? or is it ok to take care of my self before I put my attention on others?

I blame everything on Facebook.

So I am now a addict of the site after being a member for a week. Besides the updates from what I like to think of as my day to day friends, I think the thing that makes me the most happy is hearing how folk I have loved in my wacky history are doing. The little comments on the day prove they are still hysterical, the articles postings show they are still passionate verging on obsessed about the things they care about.The fact that they join groups like MST 3000 show they are still geeks. Oh I love my peeps!

My theory is that when you become active in your history, your history shows up. In the most peculiar ways. Last night I went to this Irish bar with a pal to check out a fiddler she has been emailing via Match.com. Sort of single women's tag team. So we go this pit in a basement in midtown ,listening to a cover band of rapidly aging hip daddy's playing Dr John numbers .Oh the glamour of NYC living! And then I spot Ray.

I knew him from my acting days.Had not seen him in about a decade. One of those ,OH MY GOD ,HOW ARE YOU?, moments in life. He looked exactly the same. Still the same generous spirit. Turn around and he is bringing me drinks, wanting to know about my life and work.Standing there thinking, what a dear dear man. Didn't I have a crush on him once?Yes I did?

When I was about 24 I was totally Jonesing on good old Ray for about a month or 2. It was so easy to crush on people back then. Between hormones and the bulk of choices,I was blissing on boys in a fairly constant level. He was decent, he was charming, he was not the total vacant lot pretty boys that I kept meeting at auditions. But I knew something was not going to happen there for him instinctively and I think that lack of fulfillment of future dreams turned me off.

So here he was ,still hanging out supporting his friends mediocer gigs, working as a tour guide for a company that is known to be the sleaziest in town, doing stand up gigs -not getting paid, dating a cute adoring girl that was at least 15 years younger than him. Even his flyer for his upcoming gig depressed me. He is exactly the same place I left him at.

But Ray is clearly happy. He loves what he is doing, he was bouncing around to the Dire Straits tribute he pals were laying down. He was cuddling his adorable gal,offering everybody his snacks he had brought along. Should I be so supior about what I have done with my life? Am I as happy as Ray ? Maybe,today, but I think he may win the over all contest.

Why I will never be Americas next supermodel

If I had to regularly sit for almost 3 hours to get my hair done, there would be a shooting spree focused on beauty care specialists.

man vs the machine

I am presently waiting for Raul, the prince of computer repair men to call me back .It seems that my computer has caught my flu.It refuses to take in the slightest but of new information.I have cleaned this thing out at least 5 times today and still have had it freeze repeatedly. Too much of my life is being taken away.

Meanwhile the dishwashers timer is moody. It works but not logically. I find hitting random buttons works as well as anything to get the bloody thing started.

Time /Warner cable system seems to be come progressively slower and more annoying as it becomes more jazzy and digital. There are several Chanel's that don't even bother to show up at times. And there is that weird digital freeze thing that happens with the picture for no reason.

This summer at the family cabin I pulled out a pile of Sears catalogs for my nieces when they decided we were all too boring to live with. They were obsessed. At one point one was fixated at the image of a home projector. Yes people made movies and some times tortured their neighbors by showing them. And then the grownups started talking about when the first VCRs came out.The niece was having a fit.She could deal with the lack of DVDs and movies on demand, but that there was no entertainment one could control on the box was beyond comprehension.

Every few months there seems to be a new toy in need of getting. And every few weeks I am just pissed off at them all.

The world is the size of a hangnail

I finally joined Facebook this week after fighting it for so long.I realised that if I wished to have a social life, this seems to be the only way one does so now adays. So I have been just as happy as can be ,looking up old friends, seeing what people from our mutual histories that they are still in touch with,linking to them.That has felt quite sweet.

What does not feel sweet is the fact a trip through random friend J's friend list showed that he is friends with the last male I was totally apeshit about. Not a clue that was going to hit. But there he was. The last time we spoke was over a year ago and not pleasant on either side. This I think is exactly what I have been avoiding Facebook for. Uncensored history hitting at uncontrolled moments. Damn it to hell.

So naturally I Friended the guy.

The Game

A couple of weeks ago I was having dinner with a friend and some where in the course of the chat it came up that she doubted she would ever date a black man. Flabbergasted I was. How could you be an urban woman and not at least be open to the idea of getting to know someone romantically of a different culture? Wouldn't it at least cut down on the time you are annoyed at the men you all ready know?

Then when we got to talking it was all about the family of origin. Her mom grew up in a conservative Jewish family. It was a part of everything about her.And while my friend is hardly swinging by the synagogue every Saturday, it is a core of how she defines herself as a person walking around on the planet. being with someone of a different race would ,in her mind, contradict with that view of life. And while I thought she might be a little closed minded, I had to respect that.

Then I mentioned I could never date a republican.She said that a mans politics never bothers her. Again , I choked on my sandwich. How could it not, someones votes defines how they see the world, social issues, human rights, their very values! Rant I did. She sweetly smiles and said not nessarly. A person can be a good guy, just be be economically conservative, support a strong military. I grumbled about meeting my brothers sister in laws new husband this summer. darling guy. Republican. He was one of the few people I could stand on this summer family vacation. And then he would make Hillary comments. Nope, couldn't go there.

On election night I spent the evening with another friend watching the returns , excitedly obsessing over ever digit, crushing on Jon Stewart. Her honey was away on business and I asked did he vote ahead of time. She , oh so casually replied that he doesn't believe in voting. My friends are causing me to take more double takes than a Raquel Welch sketch on an old Bob Hope special.

I couldn't even get the words out. I think I said something like,"How could, I mean, when , nowadays, you know, and the thing is, what do you mean, evidence, and you live with, does he know what you feel about the, this year of all years, responsibility, Christ on an Hamburger!"

She said that she has actually dated quite a few men over her life who didn't believe in voting. I said I could never go there. I felt bad about that.That I was putting her down for her values. I can sometimes be just a tinie tiny bit condescending. Shocking huh?

As I am looking to go out actively on the dating thing again I am looking at what are my real values. What are the deal breakers?When I was younger I think I held the banner of excitement and brilliance above all others. So collectively the loves of my life have impressive resumes but little staying power. Now with the gift that come with age, self love, wisdom and neck lines, what do i need now?

Well enthusiasm is mandatory. Apathy and coolness ain't what they used to be. deep unresolved haunting pain is a no go. We all have our wounds but how's about doing some work on them. Some sense of responsibility to the world around them, not just their own person lives and passions. Its great if you are writing the great American novel, but can you recycle your plastics at the same time? And he must bring home oatmeal cookies.

Anouncement

I am drinking my first cup of fresh coffee in about 4 days. The white doves will now be released.

Enough already!

When I was little we went to most wonderful family doctor the world has ever seen. OK, he may have not been that great of a doctor but I think he may have been as fine a person as you could ever come across.First he won my loyalty for not only avoiding criticism of my mother and her career, but actively being interested and supportive of it. He knew she was a feminist and would have conversations with her about Marlyn French novels and politics. This is when we lived in the country and my mom was treated like a leper because of ridiculous idea that a P.H.D might fulfill her more than an herb garden.

He also told my folk that the reason I got sick so much was I hated school. I was too smart for the place, I was miserable, and if I couldn't get out there one way my body was going to help me out the other door. I thought he was a God when he said this. I also hoped that this would help my cause of us moving the hell out of there and back to NYC. Had to wait about 8 years and my parents break up for that .

He also said for my frequent stomach badness I should have Cokes and sucking candies on hand. For that I wanted us to move in with him.

So why the heck am I getting sick so much lately? And in more and more dramatic ways! I don't hate my life. I don't feel out of control. Far from it. From week to week I can say I am getting my act together more and more. I love my work.My friends and community are remarkable. My home is beautiful and comfy. My finances are getting in better and better shape even with the economy. I am almost up to running 3 miles a day. So why the need for repeated violent vomiting sessions?

Louise Hays the New age body connection Goddess talks about the MY TURN connection with colds and illnesses. That in a normal winter most of get ill at some point because everyone else drops at some point,get a little down time, and now you want your turn.I call my parents almost every day and almost every time there is some discussion about their health issues. I say that this doesn't bother me but I am thinking on some level it must. I wonder if on some level my immune system is down because I can't come up with a more original way to get a sense of balance and care coming towards me.
If that is the case, what is a much more pleasant way to do this?

I am the Boss of me

So about a million years ago I took a workshop.I don't know if I can say it's name without being sued but I will just say it rhymed with Borum. It was one of those break you down to build yourself up -EST baby-kind of deals. There was allot of the leader standing in front of the room with a mike yelling at us about our unfulfilled potentials. I recall exercises where you were randomly team with someone else in the group and share something in your life you were struggling with. The guy I was teamed with informed me I would never understand where he was coming from because I clearly read too much.

As much as I can belittle this work , I will say I did get good stuff out of it at the time. The leader was a remarkably gifted woman. But at the end of the long weekend they told us that the next day might possibly be the best of our lives. I tend to be very nervous about such statements. The next day I woke up with the flu complete with a 103 degree temperature. When I told a friend who had also done this work shop at some point in his life about what had happened, he imformed me that I was most stubborn person about her own personal misery he had ever met.

So here we are today with the sprouts of how the world will change potentially for the better.Obama is laying out his cabinet. Friends and family are still giddy with their election night story's. I seemed to have gotten food poisoning on last nights steamed dumplings. A of the day was spent in the fetal shape fighting off the next stomach cramp. Perhaps I should just stop eating food that other people prepare entirely.

I feeling better now but still a little eeh. The problem with being sick most of the day is that one watches too much TV. Which gives one bad ideas. Watching a Gilmore Girls repeat involved those bone shaped women sharing a gigantic order of frys. Now it's all I can think of. This would probably be a sad and pathetic thing to do, have some one bring me fried objects. But I think Obama would be sympathetic.Yes I can!

Oh happy day

I still don't believe it.I still don't believe it. Still want to understand how we did it. Want to understand what has changed. Am still scared. Now I am scared of insane destructive people with rifles. And human frailty. And power hunger. Hearts and dreams being broken.

But am so joyous,hopeful and sleepy.

Hopeful but careful

Back when SNL still was in its funny and entertaining period, they ran a sketch in '92 ' a Clinton town hall meeting where he took questions from the public. A mildly crazed looking woman comes to the mike and says " Governor Clinton, where's my stuff ?"
Clinton starts to respond with sympathetic answers about the economy and health care and the lady interrupts him.
"No , I mean, I see other people with cool stuff. Where is MY stuff ?"

I always thought that summed up the typical American voter. Screw schools, the elderly, street conditions,health care. How can all that get fixed while my still get to have my stuff?My ex- political science professor mother today reassured me that we are most likely going to win the presidential race and both houses. I just realised that I think that will be a first in my life time. I don't know how I will handle it.What can I fall back on if I can't assume the bulk of the USA is a bunch of babies who are the fault for everything?

I guess I will have to go back to blaming my family for everything..........

Stupid food issues

Last night I went to friends Day of the Dead party which would have been fantastic if it werent for my discovery that I am allergic to avocado. The hostess made some of the most rocking guacamole that has ever been my pleasure to consume. As I had not had dinner, I scarfed down allot. About an hour later I was at one with her toilet.

I was trying figure out what was happening to cause this and then I had a flash back of a few years ago going to Mexican place for dinner with friends.They had entrees, I just got the guac' .We went back to their place, where I proceeded to be intimate with their toilet as well. This morning while I was moaning around feeling sorry for myself , I put the two event together and came with GOD DAMN IT!!!!

My childhood had two completely different diets. There was the NYC version that involved parents friends introducing me to the concept that if doesn't smell like home, the eats will be good. There was my rural NJ childhood where all my neighbors looked like Brady's or the Sopranos. The most exotic thing going around there was rice crispie treats. I think these two shaping realities have left me schizo about food. On one hand my favorite going out to dine food of all time is Ethiopian. However about once a year I get a strong Jones for Bologna , American Cheese, coated with Miracle Whip on gooshie white bread.

I am delighted that there are still foods sources I don't know about and have yet to discover. It's like knowing there are great authors I haven't read , great bands to hear play, something to look forward to. But as an adult I have found out that some of these things are not my friends. There were never around growing up so I had to wait til now to have them nail me.

Kiwi makes my face blow up, fresh ripe pineapple gives me the ichies. Add the fact I can not tan, can't deal with any thing in the hot red pepper family, I am the WASPest being on the planet. I will never be able to live on a tropical island. I would be whining all the time about how breadfruit gives me the hives. I am doomed to stay in bogs , hoping that lords of the house will gift us with coal this Christmas.

Soap Box of the Day

There are times when I am concerned that I might be a tad O.C.D.. It doesn't show up in all areas of my life. My desk normally looks likes its having a bulimic situation with papers. But when I care about things I get a little compulsive. I need to have the books, Cd's,DVDs, just so. I also have this list making thing. I have a 20 page wish list on Amazon. This is not for expectation that other people to thrust expensive gifts on me but to keep track of what toys I would give my self if the money elf moved into my guest room.

This also shows up on my favorites links. The Internet is a very dangerous place for someone like me. But when I find a trip I would like to take, a class, a new recipe, a cute independent dress designer, I save the site for the hope that one day I will have all the cash and time in the world to indulge in consumerism and interests. I have about 2,500 such links saved.

I don't have a problem. I can quit anytime I want.

This morning when I was having my regularly scheduled, avoid responsibility's for as long as possible time, I was visiting some of those sites. Randomly I discovered how many of these cool websites had gone the way of the dinosaur. One by one closing down.Sad,sad,sad.

So here is my self righteous thought for the upcoming holiday season. We all know that money and spending is going to suck in the coming months. Can we at least put our budgets into people who might really need us? Amazon and Saks will be here next year.Allot of smaller businesses won't. Can we make a real effort to buy local for our gifts? And if you live in a neighborhood like mine where that pretty much mean getting everyone day glow statutes of the Virgin Mary, focus on the smaller places on line.Visit Etsy,check out the back of Bust magazine for their oh so hip retailers. Give your cash to someone that 40 dollars for mom's spiffy woolen cap may make break them this season. I know only about dozen people read this thing so far but you are all clever and have social connections.Spread the word, buy cute stuff from the little guy. Besides, don't the mall give you hives like me?