The Game

A couple of weeks ago I was having dinner with a friend and some where in the course of the chat it came up that she doubted she would ever date a black man. Flabbergasted I was. How could you be an urban woman and not at least be open to the idea of getting to know someone romantically of a different culture? Wouldn't it at least cut down on the time you are annoyed at the men you all ready know?

Then when we got to talking it was all about the family of origin. Her mom grew up in a conservative Jewish family. It was a part of everything about her.And while my friend is hardly swinging by the synagogue every Saturday, it is a core of how she defines herself as a person walking around on the planet. being with someone of a different race would ,in her mind, contradict with that view of life. And while I thought she might be a little closed minded, I had to respect that.

Then I mentioned I could never date a republican.She said that a mans politics never bothers her. Again , I choked on my sandwich. How could it not, someones votes defines how they see the world, social issues, human rights, their very values! Rant I did. She sweetly smiles and said not nessarly. A person can be a good guy, just be be economically conservative, support a strong military. I grumbled about meeting my brothers sister in laws new husband this summer. darling guy. Republican. He was one of the few people I could stand on this summer family vacation. And then he would make Hillary comments. Nope, couldn't go there.

On election night I spent the evening with another friend watching the returns , excitedly obsessing over ever digit, crushing on Jon Stewart. Her honey was away on business and I asked did he vote ahead of time. She , oh so casually replied that he doesn't believe in voting. My friends are causing me to take more double takes than a Raquel Welch sketch on an old Bob Hope special.

I couldn't even get the words out. I think I said something like,"How could, I mean, when , nowadays, you know, and the thing is, what do you mean, evidence, and you live with, does he know what you feel about the, this year of all years, responsibility, Christ on an Hamburger!"

She said that she has actually dated quite a few men over her life who didn't believe in voting. I said I could never go there. I felt bad about that.That I was putting her down for her values. I can sometimes be just a tinie tiny bit condescending. Shocking huh?

As I am looking to go out actively on the dating thing again I am looking at what are my real values. What are the deal breakers?When I was younger I think I held the banner of excitement and brilliance above all others. So collectively the loves of my life have impressive resumes but little staying power. Now with the gift that come with age, self love, wisdom and neck lines, what do i need now?

Well enthusiasm is mandatory. Apathy and coolness ain't what they used to be. deep unresolved haunting pain is a no go. We all have our wounds but how's about doing some work on them. Some sense of responsibility to the world around them, not just their own person lives and passions. Its great if you are writing the great American novel, but can you recycle your plastics at the same time? And he must bring home oatmeal cookies.