So maybe it's time for me to see a shrink again.

When I was a small child I had an emotional nervous stomach. Meaning that because I was living in a house where one was not allowed to express anger, when ever things pissed me off, I would puke. This was affective in many ways. First off, I would get out of school ,always a very good move. Secondly the drama that was going on would normally come to an end in the name of cleaning up the gacking child. And probably most importantly, I would get some caregiveing and attention I was desperate need of.

As it happens, random vomiting is happening again. But I realise its not all that random. The day after Thanksgiving my Mom and I were in Woodstock doing some early holiday shopping. We were in this wonderful hip- retro art gallery/craftsy shop . It had things like handmade over priced but very attractive pottery items that served no use at all. The sales woman was from another time as well. She totally ignored us the entire time we were there. Its nice to know in this economy, retail workers can still be rude and oblivious. Anyway, the only time I could get her to make eye contact with me was when I asked her where the toilet was.

As I was kneeling in this black and white tribute to 60s cover art, I wondered what I could have done to myself to cause this. I also appreciated that if I was going to do this in a public bathroom ,this was not a bad place to do it. We called are day to a close , went home , I crawled into bed, mom brought me dry toast.The next day was the first time my father asked me anything about my well being in the time I was there. Familiar........

Yesterday I went to a mediocre production at Lincoln Center called Saturn Return. It had a decent cast,OK direction, but the play was sort of lame. It was a kind of man looks back on his history looking at versions of himself at different ages thing. Think Christmas Carol but without any likable Tiny Tim or Scrooge types. Just miserable people. IN fact the main character first has an manic depressed codependent relationship with his wife,then his adult daughter, then the caretaker he hires to take care of him. And he is kind of a jerk.

I started first yawning uncontrollably. Then this combination of queasiness and headache hit. I kept trying to see if there was a way to get the hell out of there. But I was blocked by the guy sitting next to me.And wouldn't you know, it was one of those long self indulgent things with no intermission. I just kept praying please let this bastard kill him self so we can all go home. When I did get to my place, zapped a potato in the microwave to have something to calm my stomach. Ate and then puked 2 minutes later. What in this piece of theater could have caused such a dramatic reaction? I am stupefied.