What does this add to?

Spent most of the day with Mom. Mom only comes into town now for doctor's appointments but trys to make a proper visit out of it. So she catches up with a couple of friends, does a museum, eats food that my father won't . It's a full 24 hours but a mostly cheerful one.

So much of our time now is spent on what is wrong and how does one make it better. She thinks much of the time in terms of the logical. For example we are figuring out how one could resign the downstairs so my father wouldn't be so isolated. Good practical stuff.

She wants to know I am not to feel overloaded with my parents needs.I share that most of the time it's not them that is the problem, its my issues with my brother and sister in law. Using the busyness of their lives, they have all but dropped out of anything to do with the care of my folks. They are not even coming to Christmas this year, largely because my sister in law redecorated the first floor this summer and wants to celebrate her construction crews skills.

When we were growing up and things were bad, my brother's survival skill was to leave. Pre-drivers licence, he would go up to his room , turn on the stereo to some sensitive white rocker ala Springsteen/Seeger, and block out the pain the floor below was producing. When he did get to drive, he was just gone. It probably is what kept him sane. I felt abandoned. It was only about 5-7 years ago that I realised in a shrinks office that my unavailable man issues don't all stem from my dad.

Now he is half way across the country being the good family man. No one can blame him since he is being so kind and responsible to his brood. Except that there are days like today when my mother doesn't have proper eye glasses for one reason or another,is walking around in her perspiration shades looking like Jackie O sister, and I have to read her everything so she can function. That my dad has a self pity fit on the phone, wants her to cut her day of NYC re cooperation so that he doesn't feel lonely. That I have to take care of all this kind of regressive stuff and I have no peer to talk to about it.

He never calls or writes except for something like sending a holiday/birthday wish list for his daughters. He doesn't want to know about the bad stuff. Never has. Sometimes I feel so stuck and lonely and there is so little room for change.

Meanwhile today I got an email from Fresh Direct. It seems that a quote of mine in a survey about their service will be used in an advertisement. So the world is acknowleding me for my greatness somewhere.