Um, ah, do we have to do this now?

I just got off the phone with Mom. As faithful readers may recall, she was in town a couple of days ago to get some doctors time in. Part of which was the regular checking that one does not have breast cancer thing that all good girls must do after a certain age. She got the call today that she does not have cancer but her breast implants are leaking and need to be taken out now.

Kind of numb presently because I sort of don't feel like going through this. My Mom got the implants back when I was in middle school. She is a classically beautiful petite woman. But she never felt that way. And though she never said it ,I always felt it did not help to have a daughter whose boobs were bigger than hers by the time the kid was 11. What can I say, different grandmothers. Have I not had moments when I Would have killed puppy's to fit into her size 4 pants? But I felt this unspoken guilt about my chest causing her to feel bad about her self.

Then she had a bad reaction, started bleeding internally. Had to go back to the hospital. Chief memory of that was my father falling on the floor sobbing in terror and self hatred that he might lose her and that it was his fault for not being able to get it into her brain that how amazing she was. I had to take care of him while she was in surgery. Was sort of a peak moment of awareness that I was not having a Brady childhood.

So now the fun bags are poisoning her. She is searching for doctors.Waiting for people to call her back. And instead of expressing fear or worry, all she can talk about are her obligations to her various causes. And my father. She has not told my father yet because she does not want to worry him. Just my aunt and I know. Again. Leave the men out. Don't let them support you.Don't count on them.And she is considering getting replacements!!!! She is 75 friggin years old and she is talking about loss of physical self esteem if she doesn't have fake tits.

I can't even begin to know where to approach this at the moment.